All Together Now

(Spoon inside a parka with me)

Good morning to all! It’s frigid here in NYC, so I am sporting my GIGANTIC red Canadian parka: embarrassing to my children, lifesaving should I get stuck anywhere near the north or south poles. It contains both a built-in flint for starting a fire, AND clear ID patches so that people can easily identify my dead body after I try and fail to light a fire, using a flint.

Cute story, my husband and I bought matching ones for each other as our Christmas gifts the year we got married…almost 25 years ago. Let that melt all of our cold Arctic hearts.

Romantic!

The news cycle has been a real one, as usual, and tragedy abounds. Finding any type of lightness in this is impossible of course, so I won’t even bother with that and I will pivot instead, to admiration.

I am awestruck by the people of Minneapolis, who have faced this period of tragedy with untold reserves of strength. Watching them care for each other as they put themselves at such risk to stand relentlessly against tyranny is incredible to witness. Truly, they are channeling their rage and their heartbreak into meaningful action. A statewide economic blackout? YES. Small businesses pivoting to around the clock Mutual Aid?? Clearly, this is how it is done.

GodDAMN.

Enjoying seeing a small contingent of Republican lawmakers peeping out of their hidey holes this weekend to disavow the lawlessness of ICE. I won’t link to their various op-eds, I just won’t, but they are out there. Google them if you feel the need to be disgusted.

This is called “below the bare minimum,” “delinquent,” and “pathetic” but I guess they finally figured out that the midterms are coming up soon and people don’t actually like it when a masked paramilitary organization shoots American citizens in the streets. *slowest possible clap for them unfurling the slimmest possible backbone against this monstrosity of an administration that flouts the constitution every day and in every possible way.*

We remember that they all withdrew support for a high quality bipartisan immigration bill because their weeping gash of a leader directed them to–so please. Really, please.

Oh by all means, still do it, still speak out. Speak out because you always should have, and we have been waiting for you to find your collective balls. You definitely don’t have them in hand, but at least they are peeking out beneath your track shorts now on this one, very obvious, very critical problem of ICE agents gunning down American ICU nurses and moms and then pivoting to a government wide cover up. Is this what it takes for you to be brave? WOW.

They all personally rolled out the red carpet for tyranny, and oopsie it’s not actually that popular. But mostly importantly: they must remember that and WE must remember that! I’ll always acknowledge when someone finally leans on empathy and speaks out against Big Orange, but NO TAKE BACKS!

Whew ok I lost myself for a moment.

It’s real hot in this coat.

I would also like to direct some applause to Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney for his speech last week at Davos. Listen, there is no place I would rather not be than Davos during the World Economic Forum. The thought of rich (mostly) dudes in fleece vests sipping hot toddy’s and discussing how to make even more money boils my blood. I couldn’t even watch the episode of Succession where they all go to the placebo Davos without a sedative. But his speech was A plus plus.

Apologies if *you* are over it, but I will never be: it is a gorgeous, dignified rebuke of American hegemony and we should be reciting it every morning like the Lord’s Prayer. I mean, the rest of the world surely is. Here it is, in full, let it seep into your bloodstream.

I mean God, look at this sweaty loser wrapping his meat paws around someone else’s award while Minneapolis implodes. I haven’t seen someone this happy to get an award they can’t read since my toddler son played t-ball.

Hideous.

Would you now like to pivot, and laugh at me? I always love a good CakeWreck, so let me show you now, in photos, the Swedish Prinsesstarte that I hand crafted for my daughter’s 20th birthday.

This is what it is supposed to look like, wow, gorgeous!

And before I show you mine, I want you to keep in mind that it DID absolutely take me three days. I made each element from scratch, and the end result was delicious I swear.

And let me also say that green IS difficult to achieve, and that I made the marzipan myself and that…just…green is hard ok?

So like, I ran out of uncolored marzipan at some point, then decided I should try some polka dots? WHY. And then I repurposed the green to make a bruise-y purple flower for the top. Also why.

So…anyway.

My kids said it looked like the Mucinex man.

I thought that it looked more like a spore? Or an influenza germ?

Perhaps this.

Anyway here are the inside guts of the cake, again, delicious, and I spent the remainder of the week slowly hollowing it out, one forkful at a time.

In fear of keeping you all hostage, as if you are part of the White House press corp, let me bullet the rest of my ramblings.

• Spoiled milk alert! MAGA & MAHA’s milk obsession has roots in racism

• Speaking of milk, literally WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE. Is it raw milk though? I don’t have enough information about this.

• “RFK Jr.’s Eugenics-Coded Crusade”. This Vanity Fair article will make your heart race, eyes bleed, and have you saying “this is no surprise” all at once.

• I make this for myself at least five times per week now, and if I have posted it before I DON’T CARE, you probably need a reminder. Every night before I go to sleep, I get excited for this breakfast the next day like Santa is coming. THAT, I suppose, is middle age?

• Speaking of which, this is me enjoying the single greatest product I have bought for myself in the last year.

I get nothing for putting this here, I just want you to see me in the throes of nostalgia, cricking my neck like a 14 year old Sam Bee, hogging the phone, and not even really talking to the other person. Just two greasy teenagers breathing into a phone for hours at a time.

• Happy (Belated) Birthday to a truly great American. She’s given over 247 million books to children for free, helped fund the original COVID vaccine, and wrote this haunting ditty about my favorite feminist bird.

Only 278 days until Election Day!

Xoxo,

Sam