Birthday Bee

Scorpios, Speakers, and The Truth

54 years ago today, this little Scorpio was born.

Look at her, propped up on that Sears Portrait Studio rug, scanning the room desperately for any safe adult.

“I know! Let’s make a triangle out of this newborn’s arms and position her unsupported head on top. Quickly, snap a photo of her bewildered face before she falls to the floor.”

Days later my parents mounted me on the back of Muffin, our Afghan hound, for a second photo “opportunity.” Two seconds after the photo was taken I did fall onto the floor, and that, my friends, was what making memories looked like in 1969.

This is not an infant car seat.

Fun fact– people singing Happy Birthday earnestly into my eyes is 100% guaranteed to make me cry, please never do it.

Many things make us cry these days, of course– so we find our pleasures where we can.

For instance, one of the candidates for Speaker of the House, Minnesota Rep. Tom Emmer, was the guy who once spoke at a hearing, upside down on his Zoom.

He has since dropped out of the Speaker race. This is a pity, since I was so looking forward to more of his fumbling attempts to master technology. COME ON MAN, WE NEED IT.

And certainly I am happy that we are out in the world doing things in person again, but I have to say that I really do miss people fucking up their Zooms.

Such as this dear, dear gentleman.

Chef’s kiss.

Do you ever get the feeling that the people in charge do not know what they are doing?  That is a joke. Of course you do. I get that feeling literally anytime I read the newspaper, listen to the news, open my eyes, or breathe a breath. You might say that I get that feeling 24/7… perhaps even 25/8? What are days. How do we mark time. Is anything real?

A switch has flipped. We have uncorked the worst of everything. The atrocities are vast and unceasing. And the firehose of misinformation is spraying us with a velocity we have never witnessed. Formerly stalwart news organizations are running with unverified stories. 

In the early days of the internet, there were only certain places you could go to see the worst images known to man. You had to go there intentionally. You had to choose it, and no I did not choose it. I chose to not choose it. 

Well now our social media feeds are a constant stream of the most graphic, most horrifying images that this terrible world can offer. And I absolutely do NOT advocate for not seeing it. 

We must never turn our eyes away from what is happening.

BUT

For this reason, we need our journalistic gatekeepers to get it right, every single time. Every single DAMN time. This is their responsibility to humanity.

The greatest journalists and fixers represent the best of us—they are brave, they seek the truth, they run toward the danger every time. It dishonors their work when we as consumers insist on immediate answers, and huge media companies answer this by fast tracking complicated stories. Scrupulous verification is critical.

Our collective inability to decipher truth from fiction is colliding with technology we don’t understand, sophisticated propaganda campaigns that we are unable to unwind, and a fucking WAR. My God.

Is it too late for us to take a nation-wide seminar on internet literacy? Is TikTok just in charge now? 

Fuck it, I am floored. I cannot comprehend how we move forward. 

It’s clear to me that if the aliens came to invade right now, they would just turn around and go back home. They could confidently assume that their hostile takeover will be a lot easier for them if we just annihilate ourselves on our own first.

OK I am getting off my soapbox now.

Anyway, birthday wishes.

I think what I am asking, and again, not to make TOO big a deal of my birthday because I am 54 and a grown adult and who cares. But…as my birthday present, can you please tell me where to go for proper breaking news OTHER THAN X?

Thanks in advance.