Do Cats

Paddle Boarding Witches, Shoe Lifts, My Granola Recipe

Dear readers, I regret to inform you that this week marks the exact point at which we are..*checks notes*...one year away from the 2024 election.

MUFFLE YOUR SCREAMS INTO A PILLOW OR A FLUFFY CAT SUCH AS THIS ONE…

My forever muse, Susan

I recently asked my husband to give me his honest assessment of what The Next Phase Of My Life should look like. As in, “Clearly, I am a very deep person. I am brimming with thoughts and passions. Naturally there are too many to enumerate in one sitting, but give me a broad assessment of where I should put my (copious, varied, impressive) energies.” 

The conversation took six seconds. 

Me: “Babe, what am I most passionate about in li–”

Him: “--CATS.”

Me: “No, no, I’m thinking about the next chapter of my life and–”

Him: “It’s cats.” 

Me: “That’s not–”

Him: “--Do something with cats. You love cats. You annoy people with how much you love cats. Do cats.”   

This is both insulting, and…pinpoint accurate.

Look, as with most people right now, I am seeking anything and everything to stay afloat mentally and spiritually. Like I am definitely pushing Jack off the floating headboard and keeping it all to myself. 

What are the things that keep us going?

What are the things that keep any of us going?

Personally, a glimpse of lightness would feel most welcome. And with that as my guide, …I’m going to take this opportunity to share a few things that have brought me some measure of joy in the last 24 hours or so.

This came pretty close.

The best part is that I immediately sent this to my mom, and she was like “yes of course I know about this, we’re organizing one on *REDACTED* Lake next year.” 

How am I the last person in my family to know about the paddle boarding witches?

Anyway, I guess…meet me at the lake.

Dear Sweet Baby Jesus let this headline be true.

Oh Christ I love a deep dive on the most petty subject matter. 

This right here is a top notch investigation of shoe lifts, including video footage.

I need ten more investigations like this immediately please. Ted Cruz must wear Spanx, right? Someone look into it.

Also, Chimpanzees go through menopause.

Honestly, this made me feel better. I thought it was just us and the Orcas, but no, we are all mad.

My friend and former collaborator Melinda Taub wrote an excellent book that is perfect for consuming alongside a warm cider, with an evil black cat nestled beside you.

Shaquille O’Neal is an EDM DJ now, and guess what, HE IS VERY GOOD AT IT.

As I have previously mentioned, I adore this type of music and I seek zero guff about it. No haters.

On this week’s podcast, I sat down with Rep. Ro Khanna, and we talked about what on EARTH is happening behind the scenes in Congress this week, my GOD. And about whether tech can ever be used for good. The answer is of course, yes. And also, no. The End.

Also in podcast land–next week is the launch of The Defenders, a brand new podcast which I co-host with journalist and wonder-woman, Gloria Riviera.

If I may toot our horns for a moment–it is excellent, and very needed. I mean, we all need hope, and this podcast delivers. Ten episodes on the subject of: the incredible people defending access to abortion in a post Roe world. 

Can we build a better world post roe? Maaaybe? At least, listening to the amazing folks we are highlighting in this podcast, you might begin to imagine that it’s possible.

It was a humbling, jaw dropping, rollicking process to make. It’s an intimate, many times funny, and super engaging listen; I learned a TON, and I bet you will too.

Here is the trailer.

And because why not, I made granola.

When I am sad and stressed, sometimes I walk past the granola jar and scoop it directly into my mouth, pelican style.

I love my homemade granola. 

My granola is the best granola. 

You may notice that it contains zero dried fruit. This is because dried fruit is mostly yucky, except for dried sour cherries, and sour plums. Sooo, I guess, fight me?

Look, add your own..*shudders*... dried fruit if you are built that way. Truly, you be you. 

But me, I like my granola clean and toasty, sweet and salty, a perfect crispy launchpad for my yogurt and my FRESH FRUIT. 

It’s so dead easy I feel weird even writing it down. Please KEEP. IT. LOOSE. 

Credit to Nekisia Davis, the founder of Early Bird granola, and this adaptation of her recipe.

(This is my adaptation of that adaptation. I personally don’t want the brown sugar, and I played with the proportions in a way that works for me!)

SAM BEE’S GRANOLA THAT IS SO DELICIOUS HER CHILDREN GET MAD IF THEY RUN OUT

Oven at 300 degrees.

Get a big bowl.

3 cups old fashioned rolled oats

1 cup shredded or flaked unsweetened coconut 

3 cups mixed nuts and seeds (Literally, go nuts here. I usually do pecans, pumpkin seeds, macadamia nuts, shelled pistachios, and maybe cashews. This is where I Go To Town. I mix it up, nut wise. I never use peanuts though. Peanuts don’t feel right in granola? WHY?)

Put it all in a bowl, and use your hands to mix it all together.

Then pour over–

¾ cup olive oil

¾ cup maple syrup

1 tbsp flaky sea salt

Mix it all together, get every speck of the oats/nuts nice and wet.

Peanuts not invited to this party

Spread it out on TWO baking sheets and slide them into the oven.

Every 15 minutes or so, stir it all around with a spatula.

It will take a while to get it all toasty! Maybe an hour? Maybe a bit more. You kind of have to hang around. You want it nice and brown and toasty all over, but not burnt.

Take both sheets out of the oven to cool.

I put an extra pinch of flaky sea salt over each of the pans, because I like it.

Store it in a big glass jar, it keeps for many weeks.