Full Body Prep

Certain diagnostics are not up for debate.

I know. I KNOW.

Happy Let’s-All-Try-To-Ignore-The-Fact-That-There-Is-A-Debate-Tonight, At-Least-For-The-Next-Four-Minutes Day!

I’m stressed about the debate, and that means I’m hard typing on my computer, and TUNNELING through a double sized container of hummus, one spicy cheddar cracker at a time. 

My must-have summer accessory.

Oops just read the back and apparently this amount of hummus is equivalent to 16 servings. NOT TODAY, BOYS!

I have a wonderful friend who once received a medical diagnosis of: “Aggressive Walker.” This is the energy I plan to commit to the entire day, across all activities. Are you busy right now? Would you like me to come over and pair all your used Gladware with the proper lids? No need for an invitation, I am already at your place, crack a window and I will shimmy in.

Let me innnnnnnnnnn. I am here to cull your mismatched food storage containers.

Today’s Choice Words features a woman whose life’s work has been VERY IMPORTANT TO ME: Alison Roman. Yes I have all of her cookbooks, yes I cook from them, yes I regularly make her world renown chocolate chip shortbread cookie recipe, and yes I subscribe to her newsletter. But did you also know that we are both basically homesteaders now? I LOVED hearing about her plans for complete and total creative and personal independence. Give a listen, I really appreciate this woman, and I hope that she invites me to one of her dinner parties one day in the back of her rural live/work space MY GOD. Also we are FULLY ON VIDEO if that is your thing! You can see a cistern behind me, gathering literal rainwater because, again, homesteader. 

As the mind wanders, I can’t help but imagine what debate prep might look like for the two elderly men who will be standing on stage tonight. I picture one of them meditating, getting stretched, modifying his sleep schedule and eating lots of fish, and I picture the other one, a ghoul, panic eating hamberders and getting startled by imagined flies landing on him. I’ll leave it to your imagination to figure out which one is which!

There isn’t much I can add to this, except to convey my overwhelming sense of dread and fatigue, a feeling that is certainly not unique to me. The fact that there will be no audience feels like growth, and I’m grateful that they will be cutting off mics. The frustration DJT will probably feel from this should be kind of fun to watch; hopefully he will Hulk out and storm off, but then get tangled in the drapes like an addled sea turtle caught in a fisherman’s net? The debate will end early due to EMT’s having to perform a lifesaving extraction, and to preserve the overall #dignity of #America.

To really honor this day, I have scheduled a mammogram. Reaallllly driving the point home about sitting in discomfort today.

Pause in the program for a quick breast squish.

Folks, get your mammograms. They are important. Definitely do it. Don’t not do it, just because you are afraid, or you think it will hurt, or because you think that mammograms are the perfect representation of how little medical science cares for our bodies, that they would not endeavor to make this process just a touch more pleasant. You are correct. They do not care for our bodies. 

As I held my breath to hit those super sweet side-breast angles, I took the time to really SEE the mammogram machine and really APPRECIATE how many parts of it they could easily make more ergonomic. Literally how do they perform these procedures on the frail? My neck was so twisted. I am a cool 54 and my body was terribly unhappy. But also grateful. AAAARGH THIS IS HOW THEY GET YOU.

Yes, it will hurt but do it anyway. This principle applies to many aspects of a well rounded life.

If you are sick of debate talk as I am, (and really does anyone have a fresh angle on this?) may I suggest a few diversions?

• Primarily this: ‘Tiny Crime Fighters With Wings’: Bees Go to Work on a Virginia ‘Body Farm’. Hate to say it, but I think I figured out what I want done with my body when I’m dead? Not joking.

• Followed by this: Pivot podcast. TRULY, this interview with Brené Brown made me want to pull my car over so that I could get out and do jumping jacks. She is a goddamn legend.

• And capping it off with THIS:

A performance that has lived cozily in my mind and heart for two years. Fancy Hagood came to our studio to perform his song "Bored". It was the start of Pride Month (and unknowingly Full Frontal's final shows), and he blew me away. Not only with his performance, but we just had a good time together! He was game for a few social videos and we couldn't stop chatting. 

Love to all participating in a Pride March this weekend. 

Xoxo,

Sam