Happy Five More Days, My Coven.

More Treats, Less Tricks?

The Original Preachy Female.

Well, well, well. Where do we start? Let’s first dig into the good candy, before we start checking for razorblades. Speaking of–even though to my palate, Candy Corn both looks and tastes like toenails - this story about the creation of Candy Corn (née “Chicken Feed”) will likely be optioned for a biopic movie by the end of the week. Hollywood, call me. I feel like I could play a fierce kernel. I do now need the origin story for every piece of candy in my kids’ halloween bucket. Especially the gross ones.

Yes, I have stress eaten every piece of candy in sight. No, that’s not the only thing I’ve been up to. Since you asked, let me fill you in. 

Much of my October was occupied by another holiday - World Menopause Day. I premiered my new show, How To Survive Menopause, to three sold-out crowds at Audible’s Minetta Lane Theatre and friends…I’m still not sure how to articulate/type the range of emotions I experienced. Gratitude? ABSOLUTELY. But also fear and not fear? For the first time, I am truly ready to keep saying out loud and in person all of the things. It is also the most fun I have maybe ever had onstage - which I did not entirely expect.

Thank you times a billion to everyone who jumped at buying a ticket with “Menopause” in the title. Hopefully I can perform it live again soon. I will definitely be performing it into your earpods when Audible releases the audio version early next year. I’ll keep you posted as that release gets closer. 

In other earpod news, (I can only listen to audio on a string. No airpods here.) there are so many new Choice Words that I hope everyone has been keeping up. Today’s latest episode is with Lauren Ash! You know her from Superstore, you love her always, AND omg has she ever taken the leap of a lifetime. Very worth a listen (or a watch on YouTube).

And OF COURSE, last looks before the election on The Daily Beast Podcast, with my friend Joanna Coles. Hoo boy. We interviewed Michael Wolff, the man with the best imaginable access to the inner workings of Campaign Trump, who is just as puzzled as I am about why they all keep inviting him to listen to their secrets. I was personally stunned into silence…best guess, three times. I highly recommend it.

And, as long as we are catching up–earlier in the week, I moderated an event about safeguarding our free and fair election process with Former Montana Gov. Stephen Bullock, Nevada Secretary of State Cisco Aguilar, Joanna Lydgate from States United, and the good people at Big Tent USA. Eyes. Wide. Open. The biggest thing that surprised me was learning that largely, ballots are trackable, so that when people set fire to a BALLOT BOX, the affected voters can (in many states) get a replacement. How did I live my whole life not knowing this? Oh right, I grew up in Canada, where we don’t intentionally firebomb the mail *quite* so often. That’s not fair. We do lots of other weird stuff up there, #neverforget RobFord, RIP Rob Ford. 

We are five days out. I’m sure many of you have already taken advantage of early voting. I know I did! I was jazzed for election day cowbells and strangers scanning my lapel for that “I Voted” sticker, but then I thought “Hm. What if I break both ankles en route to voting and can’t make it?” In short, yes I did vote early due to a real fear of bodily injury that could prevent me from voting for Kamala Harris, and that is how my brain works and that is OK. 

YOU’VE GOT THIS. Prepare in the same way that you would for trick-or-treating: plan your route (precinct), gather family members and friends to join, wear comfortable shoes, fill your water bottle WITH WATER, pocket some candy for snacking, and get excited! This IS exciting. Personally I walked laps to and from my polling place for the last month. In a historic election that seems both neverending and severely truncated, my voting buddy was my daughter, who cast her first presidential vote EVER and I am proud of her.

Proud Mom of a Voter.

I reminded her that her vote is a secret, and that I had no right to tell her who to vote for, and then she rolled her eyes at me and we both got to filling in circles.

There aren’t too many more ways I can express my utter revulsion at the thought of Donald Trump being in the White House for a second term, and there are myriad conversations to be had about why this election is fixing to be such a squeaker.

I don’t have any words left for my passionate belief that abortion is health care and that our choice in the next week will say everything about who we value, what we value, and…bigger picture…are we even good? 

So what I am left with. 

This is what I’m telling anyone who will listen.

1. In the same way I am going to sport my sticker on election day and pretend I *just* voted, we all must vote our conscience on the day. Next month over Thanksgiving, tell all your Trumpy family members that you voted for him if you must, but please just don’t. Same goes for 3rd party candidates. Say what you have to say to get out of a social pinch, code switch at will–but just please do the right thing when you’re all alone in that little cubby. No one will ever know!

2. And to all the UNDECIDED men out there–it takes two to make an unplanned pregnancy. If that happens to you, for the love of God, wouldn’t you want to have options? If you can’t vote for Kamala as a loving act for the women in your life, could you at least do it in your own self interest. KTHXBYE.

I leave you with the Oscar nominated short Red, White, and Blue, which I was lucky to be involved with as an executive producer. It is available for free on YouTube until shortly after the election, and honestly, says it all. 

Good luck, God bless, and stay safe out there. 

xo

Sam