Ms. October

Changes in temps and bodies

This Twix promised me fun.

Good morning, I dropped a Halloween size Twix bar on my toe this morning and somehow the foil wrapper cut the top of my foot. This is 54.

Well well welly well well. How’s everyone doing?... I know. Same. Let’s catchup. 

One week from today, I’m premiering my new one-woman show, How To Survive Menopause at Audible’s Minetta Lane Theatre! I know menopause doesn’t seem synonymous with live comedy, but let me tell you - this biological laugh-riot has had me in its grasp for years now and one thing I have learned from this experience is that we all need to talk and laugh about it more. I actually can’t stop talking about it! And, I won’t. I also recently learned that October 18th is World Menopause Day and I’m eagerly planning the family photoshoot for those holiday cards next year. If you are interested in tickets to celebrate my new favorite holiday, here is a link for info. 

Today’s Choice Words episode is with Joanna Coles, who I now talk to constantly via podcast mic. I find her career path fascinating. She talks about going from news, to magazines, and her decision to return to news as the Chief Content Officer of The Daily Beast. Speaking of… for the last three weeks, Joanna and I have been co-hosting The Daily Beast Podcast! It’s been a blast to explore podcast co-hosting and having a weekly outlet to rundown the week’s news, pop culture highlights, and our general musings. On today’s The Daily Beast Podcast, we go IN on Melania’s new memoir - aye aye I have some things to SAY. As you can probably tell, my new Thursday resolution is to dominate all of your earpod time. Listen to both Choice Words and The Daily Beast Podcast wherever you get your favorite podcasts. 

Friends. The election is in TWENTY FIVE days. I don’t know how else to bring it up. There is so much happening in the world, this country, the oceans, our bodies - and all of these NEED attention. 

We keep pretending this election is about policy when actually…how can it be? The two main characters in this grand spectacle are acting in two completely different productions. One is in a play about a regular election cycle at a difficult moment in history, and the other is a buffoon on a tricycle playing his dick like a ukulele at a monster truck mash. That was mean. Our former president DoNAld j TRuMp is also a businessman who hawks fake gold watches and was friends with Jeffrey Epstein..

Seems to me that the election is almost singularly about character, and it gives me an aneurysm when we purport otherwise. Case in point, I recently listened to a great podcast, The Daily, my favorite, at the beginning of the week on the subject of: Lebanon.

The following words were spoken by Peter Baker, a reporter I admire greatly:

“The one person we haven’t heard from, ironically, is Donald Trump. He had a whole long rally yesterday and said not one word about Hezbollah and the killing of Nasrallah and gave no clue, therefore, into his thinking about what this means and what the United States should be doing at this point.”

AND

“When it comes to the war in Gaza itself, Trump has been relatively quiet. He really hasn’t given any extended analysis or interview to explain how he sees the war in Gaza.” 

LIKE, WHAT?

Ahem. *raises hand* Oh gee hm, I believe I can solve this mystery? The mystery of why we haven’t heard any of Trump’s analyses on these particular issues, or really any issues at all?

This is because DONALD TRUMP DOESN’T KNOW ANYTHING. HE HAS BEEN BUSY AT HIS RALLIES IMPLYING THAT KAMALA HARRIS IS MENTALLY DISABLED, AND THAT HE HAS A MORE BUFF BODY THAN JOE BIDEN.

Yeah he hasn’t given his “extended analysis” because he is busy daydreaming about winning a pushup competition against his octogenarian former rival in the presidential race. 

No detailed analysis shall be forthcoming. Something something immigrants are ripping the heads off of dogs in the streets, something something they are gonna come into your home and slit your throat, something something concepts of a plan.

I can’t I can’t I can’t.

I can’t read any more requests for Kamala Harris to give detailed policy information about things only a handful of people know anything about, truly.

Like at this point, if you are a decently aware person with a decently informed world view - your hesitations about her seem like cover for…not wanting to pay more taxes?

I want to live in that world too, I really do. I want to live in a world in which substantial conversations can be had about life and death issues with the people poised to take the White House. However, one of these two candidates spends most of the day drafting his Enemies List, from atop a golden toilet...while the other is RACING around the country trying to reassure people that she isn’t going to dissolve the Department of Education. What the FUCK, this country has problems OK???

TWENTY. FIVE. DAYS

Thank you for making space for today’s rant. I know you have choices in your array of Substacks, so thank you for choosing mine, I hope it didn’t make you feel worse.

Xo, 

Sam