One Anglerfish, Two Anglerfish...

The power of the newsletter compels me.

Oh how I love the mid-winter. When everything is gray, and no pants fit. My skin so mottled and flaccid; it resembles that one deep sea fish so desperate to be seen, it had to grow its own flashlight out of its face.

Seasonally Appropriate Loungewear

First one child got sick, then another fell ill…both were diagnosed with Strep, which, ugh but ok, at least we knew. We got them antibiotics, and then just as they were starting to round the corner, our THIRD child came down with something even worse, that lasted seven super cool days. She tested negative for everything, across the board, then re-infected child #1 with I guess, the Bubonic plague, because why not, and now here we are.

Through it all, my husband and I have remained…well. Maybe a sniffle here or there, but otherwise…well.?

How. Is. This. Possible.

Now hear me out, because I have a theory, and yes it’s true that I did not go to medical school, but those who know me, know that I’m pretty good at this stuff.

Here it goes: I *am* the disease.

Does this make sense? Does this track for anyone else? The only thing that feels right to me is that I, Samantha Bee, am the living embodiment of pestilence. As such, I lurch about the city, bestowing illness on others, and remain relatively unscathed.

Typhoid Sam? The point is: I need an exorcist in my home. Whatever demon is rattling around in there, sling-shotting sore throats from child to child needs to be vanquished by a doubting priest with bleach spray, and chased out an open window.

Wait, what the hell is this? Oh Christ.

I was, of course, deeply saddened to read about the shooting at the post Super Bowl parade in Kansas City that left, as of today, one person dead and many more shot, injured, and traumatized. What we tolerate here in the name of freedom is preposterous. It is absurd that we are not allowed to have modern laws that are proportionate to contemporary weaponry. Don’t worry, that article is pretty old! We are in much worse shape now.

And I have been thinking a great deal about Jennifer Crumbley’s manslaughter conviction following her son’s murderous rampage at a Michigan school in 2021.

To me, it reads as such a clear cut case of negligence on the part of her and her husband to take reasonable measures to prevent a tragedy. A fucking HORRIBLE tragedy.

All they had to do was, well, A. not buy a weapon for their struggling son, OR B. inform the school that they had bought a weapon, recently, for their clearly struggling son. Perhaps, at the exact moment that the school had literally called them in because they were begging for a psychiatric intervention. 

If they were going to do A. in defiance of all logic and thought, then at the very least, one would have thought they might consider taking step B for the GODDAMN GOOD OF HUMANITY, AND ALL THE INNOCENT PEOPLE AT THE SCHOOL. This would have been SO REASONABLE.

But no. 

Of course you can’t ever govern somebody else’s behavior. People are going to do what they are going to do. But if someone is telling you in many different ways that they are struggling, perhaps it is not a great idea to joyfully, carelessly, ARM THEM. Perhaps when a school comes to you with disturbing images that your child has drawn up with a hand drawn version of the gun you just bought your child, you might want to let the school know in that moment that your child has a gun that weirdly, looks just like the one in the picture. Dear God.

I have compassion for parents, I really do. We can’t always know what is in our children’s minds, this is true. But for God’s sake, I think we can all agree that it is ok for us, as a society, to DEMAND that parents be held accountable for the weapons they insist upon bringing into their homes. FUCK. 

If we aren’t going to pass any meaningful gun legislation ever, then I say hold everyone whose hands touched this fucking tragedy accountable until people who worship guns over people finally get the hint.

I thought we were all over-helicoptering our kids? I thought this was the whole thing we were all wringing our hands over. I say GET IN THERE. GET ALL UP IN THEIR SHIT. Be that helicopter. 

Many states are able to hold bars and bartenders responsible if they allow a patron to drink beyond intoxication, get in their car, and kill people. These are called Dram Shop Liabilities, and as someone who has worked in MANY bars and restaurants, they are a meaningful deterrent.

I fail to see how this is any different. Certainly these charges should be laid on a case by case basis–but frankly, I do NOT see this as a slippery slope, as some contend. 

I truly believe we need to take any and I mean ANY opportunity to slow people’s roll. 

If this conviction acts as a deterrent in even ONE case, and ONE parent decides to act for the benefit of society and we prevent ONE person from being killed in this way, to my mind it is worth it.

Furthermore, I hope that the father receives the same laser focused scrutiny in this matter. The way this tragedy played out was not a one woman show, by any stretch.

Also FFS can we *just* get some better hobbies going than shooting things? 

The guru that sits on top of my fridge agrees.

As I mentioned last week, I’ve been obsessed with Kara Swisher’s new book and I’ve listened to her audiobook not once, but TWICE. Pre-order here.

I was struck by this quote that Kara included in the book, from French philosopher Paul Virilio, and it’s relevance to tech:

“When you invent the ship, you also invent the shipwreck. When you invent the plane, you also invent the plane crash, and when you invent electricity, you also invent electrocution. Every technology carries its own negativity, which is invented at the same time as technical progress.” 

I’ve been thinking about it ever since.

Also, I did NOT expect to feel less like AI was going to kill us all after reading the book, so that was a nice treat! I felt that this would have been a solid book blurb, but NOBODY ASKED ME.

To console myself, I made these cookies and they were like a little baby sugar life raft.

We are also re-watching The Leftovers, because I love it, and because Carrie Coon as Nora Durst is probably my single favorite performance in all of television history. 

It is a VERY interesting show to re-watch with the pandemic in the rear view–please just trust me on this. This show first aired in 2014, but oof is it prescient. 

Until next week.

Xo

Sam