Some Honeymoons Last Just Fine

Keep it sexy tho.

Cat Ladies go hard

Good Day Plan Bee-r’s–I’m feelin’ spicy today - anyone want to take bets on how soon JD Vance gets “fired” from the Trump ticket? Polls start to drop and in 3…2…1…

I mean, don’t bet the farm on it I guess? But I AM enjoying how many of these conversations are definitely happening at the big donor level and in the DJT camp - and how much his sons have to be absolutely sweating it. Like visibly perspiring through their Loro Piana quiet luxury hoodies, salt stains on the cashmere.

Is this joy? Is this mean? Yes and YES! Wheeeeee!

Please don’t forget to check out my new Bookshop shop! It basically functions like Amazon books, but every purchase on the site financially supports independent bookstores. Win Win! I have added a few more GREAT books - one of them I am listening to as an audiobook (I heart audiobooks), and another I annihilated on a train ride to DC to host a fun book talk with fan fave, Gov. Gretchen Whitmer. (You’ll also find her book on my list.)

Is it just me, or am I seeing a ton of hand wringing about “ok the honeymoon period with kamala was nice but it’s coming to an enddddddddd whatareyougonnadoaboutit???” Look. Folks. CAN you keep a honeymoon going for roughly a hundred days? Of course you can. One hundred days and way beyond. Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward built themselves a fuck-hut, and they were married for like fifty years. You just have to keep it sexy ok?

Every media outlet is surely asking itself the question “how much can we truly scrutinize Kamala’s record and even if we can, should we do that?” No one wants to provide cannon fodder to a movement as regressive, as ass-backwards, as malicious as what the GOP is offering, even as they publicly disavow Project 2025. Because sorry, we all read it, and we can see what they have in mind for us. 

So launching thought pieces about honeymoon periods ending and such, I dunno man. I hope that our news media agrees to at least be sensible about the narratives they push. Because it's starting to feel like no one is talking about this except them? And then they told a friend, and then they told a friend, and so on, and so on, and so on…

Besides, if we are talking about honeymoon periods, shouldn’t we talk about that impending annulment happening over in the Trump camp? I mean after that gorgeous wedding they put on at the RNC and all. 

Not a cult.

I don’t know if it was KidRock’s middle aged ploopmf peeking out from under his crop top as he incomprehensibly…rapped? Was that…what it was? Or was it the aging wrestler who allegedly kept a gumball machine full of random drugs just inside his foyer in the 80’s who most SCREAMED family values to me while ripping an American flag t-shirt in half to reveal The Trump/Vance logo. Don’t sue me! I said allegedly!

Could it have been heartland hero Dana White who evoked marital bliss? The guy who literally hit his wife in the face on camera, made millions from people kicking each other till their shins bleed and then created the tv show Slap Fight, where teams of slappers slap the living fuck out of one another in between Taco Bell commercials on a real tv network that still exists? That Dana White? 

(Yes, fine, Slap Fight replaced me in my time slot on TBS, a move so frankly weird I can’t even be mad about it??? It has paid me back tenfold in both jokes, and in a bones deep wisdom about the entertainment industry.)

This whole operation feels the most worthy of continuous scrutiny to my mind, please and thank you.

Bottom line. Do not talk to me about a honeymoon period ending when THIS is the alternative.

And please, let me get ahead of this - do not force me to read one word - NOT ONE WORD about ‘are women behind her because she’s a lay-day.’ We are so beyond voting for a milestone female president, for the sake of a milestone, so no don’t do it. Not to mention, Vice President Harris has already been and surpassed being a milestone candidate as our first female Vice President EVER. And just like Glenn Close’s historic turn as Harrison Ford’s VP in Air Force One, we don’t need to stress this fact when there are far too many issues and threats to our country at stake.

Is it nice to have a woman at the top of the ticket, yes. Could we have handled TWO women at the top of the ticket? Maybe. But none of us is stupid enough to be like “I’m with her! A girl!” 

We are more like “no you Republican motherfuckers canNOT have this country and a license to run roughshod over the rest of us. Wait, actually this is an exorcism. Everybody stop growing wheat. We only grow sage now and we need to burn it all at once and do a great big cross country cleanse.”

We aren’t galvanizing behind Harris en masse, because we want to ride some girl-boss glass- ceiling-smashing women-power rocket ship to a female president. We are galvanizing beyond her because she is a strong candidate in her own right, and I frankly think she would make a great president. 

Maybe this truncated campaign period is a blessing in disguise. It is most certainly the length of campaign that we all deserve, and more in line with what other reasonable countries perpetrate on their citizenry. Is it going to be easy, HELL NO. We need resilience. We need humor, and snark, and love, and to communicate values, and caseloads of full sugar Coca Cola.

And we certainly don’t need to deflate our own balloons* before the party even gets off the ground.

Xoxo,

Sam

*Speaking of, the DNC is still over two weeks away. Stay hydrated.