We Did It, Chicago!
Boo. Hiss. VOTE.
OK well WHEW sigh of relief, great job everyone now LET’S GOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
The pageantry on display over the past week in Chicago was A++. Probably could have sprinkled in a Scott Baio, or few more over the hill ex wrestlers to inspire us all; I mean was there anybody on stage at all at the DNC who has ever been blessed with a Stone Cold stunner*?? If not, are you even qualified to run this country? DNC you have roughly ten weeks to remedy this terrible oversight.
But whatever, Michelle Obama was pretty good I guess.
We have SO many Choice Words to catch you up on, the most recent being a terrific conversation with Symone Sanders-Townsend, former press secretary for Bernie Sanders, former senior advisor for Vice President Kamala Harris, current host of The Weekend on MSNBC and overall political-strategist-wunderkind and…ideally… FUTURE DEBATE MODERATOR??? All of media, listen to my plea!!!!
I’ve had so many great conversations in the past few weeks. A knockout with Roxanne Gay, a doozy with America’s teevee president Tony Goldwyn - and coming up next week - a hot one with Jon Lovett, watch for it.
We talked extensively about how entrenched people are in their political silos and how each election cycle is really just us spending roughly a billion dollars to convince a sliver of the population to give a damn about voting THIS ONE TIME, and hopefully to convince them one way or the other.
How many undecided voters do we have in this place??? Roughly a couple million?
Traditionally, I have the least amount of patience with ambivalent/undecided voters. I can’t help it. I think they are drama queens who want a candidate to march up their driveway and hold their hand and personally give them a coupon for a Quiznos and that would pretty much decide it. Enjoy being the Belle of the Ball for the next few months, swing voters! We are spending the GDP of a small nation for an exercise in brand identification to teach you Kamala Harris’s name, because we all know you’re going to go in that booth and whimsically pull the lever for whomever’s name you heard last!
Oops. Mean.
And mean is BAD, right????
I am DEFINITELY reading a buuuunch of articles now about how Trump is eager to “go mean” and “unleash” on Kamala Harris, and how his advisers are positively begging him to “stick to policy” and “take the high road.” He’s like ‘Sorry I need to be free to be me’ and they’re all ‘No name calling! Stick to policy!’
LO fucking L. Policy. Sorry, I am unable to type right now. I need a moment to go run my face into a brick wall a couple of times.
Sorry what does “mean” look like to him? What exactly is he…holding back? He who continually questions her racial identity, intelligence, calls her a Communist, and is literally on camera, nestled in his golf cart, calling Kamala Harris a “fucking bitch.” What’s he planning to do? Burn a cross on stage at the first debate? Mendacious twat.
Ugh. Leave it to a CAT LADY to go there.
And not for nothing, but it would be fun if globally we all agreed to reply to every one of Trump’s appalling digital offerings with photos of him cavorting next to Jeffrey Epstein. (And look I know a LOT of people have been photographed next to Jeffrey Epstein but honestly, fuck those people too.)
As much as I’d like to think all this deplorable behavior is instantly disqualifying, it’s not. Sigh. Fucking. Sigh. So, even though we all just want his behavior, actions, and words to go away and ignore them, we cannot. For the next seventy-five days, we have to keep his meanness top of mind in conversations, news leads, and social feeds because since he is an equality opportunity offender we never know which vile flap might be the final push to swing an undecided to a concrete Harris vote.
Here are a few things, other than the DNC, that kept me going this week!
Reminder NOT to eat random berries or possible(?) fruit found on the side of the road. But if you do, please TikTok it.
Current cookbooks I’m furiously tearing through.
Back next week! Adieu for now!
Sam
*a wrestling move that, in layman’s terms, involves something something “three quarter facelock” something something “slams someone else’s face into the ground.”
Hi Sam I would love it if you would be the voice on the audio!